Reflections

Living in this world

2009-11-18T21:49:00.001-08:00

I've been struggling with the desire to completely escape this world and ONLY be with Jesus. But I know on another level that I'm in this world for a reason. And I want to be here! The following quote really reminded me of HOW I can live in this world, but still be connected with the Lover of my heart.

"There is a way of ordering our mental life on more than one level at once. On one level we may be thinking, discussing, seeing, calculating, meeting all the demands of external affairs. But deep within, behind the scenes, at a profounder level, we may also be in prayer and adoration, song and worship, and a gentle receptiveness to divine breathings." - Thomas Kelly

I've been contemplating JUST how much I really want Jesus to be part of my life all the time. And was becoming a little frustrated with only having times with him in some portion of my life. BUT, this quote renewed the sense of hope I have that I can ALWAYS be in communion with Him. I will purpose in my heart to from this day forward always order my mental life to be interacting within this world but also to be aware of the Holy Spirit, His groanings and prayers, His grace and glory, His purpose and desires...

He has created me to be with Him. So I will be.

- Jessica

Living in this world

2009-11-18T21:49:00.000-08:00

"There is a way of ordering our mental life on more than one level at once. On one level we may be thinking, discussing, seeing, calculating, meeting all the demands of external affairs. But deep within, behind the scenes, at a profounder level, we may also be in prayer and adoration, song and worship, and a gentle receptiveness to divine breathings." - Thomas Kelly

Imperfet.

2009-10-23T15:50:00.001-07:00

I recently wrote a "Tip of the Day" on my whiteboard outside my room in Muir Hall that turned out to mean more than I originally purposed. As the RA of third floor, I have the opportunity to challenge the girls everyday with something. I wrote, "You don't need to be perfet."

As I completed the phrase, a resident walked by and said, "Oh, I get it!" I was confused and then she pointed out that I had misspelled the word "Perfect."

I laughed at the irony.

I've been recently listening to an artist by the name of Bon Iver. He is a musician and his story is very interesting - it involves things like a band breakup, a relationship breakup,and a cabin in the woods. I encourage you to visit his myspace page to hear his music and his story.

His life story is pretty interesting, however, the thing that struck me most about this artist is that some of his most powerful work is EXTREMELY raw. The quality of his recording and even the quality of his voice is just - imperfect. But it's wonderful.

Another artist with a similar imperfection-vibe is Damien Rice. Please look at "The Blower's Daughter."

By these references, I certainly do not mean to belittle these musicians. On the contrary, I honor them for illustrating the power of heartfelt music.

I've always believed that true beauty in music does not come through a perfect melody or incredibly well-crafted lyrics, but through a heart that is passionate for the sound - a sound where the message is more important than the words that carry it, the passion more important than the pitch that moves it, and the listener more important than the musician.

Music in the raw.

So I've been inspired to produce excellent music, but not to worry too much about its perfection. Sometimes the most beautiful things in life are imperfet.

I'm an RA-in-training!

2009-09-05T16:35:00.000-07:00

RA stands for Residential Advisor. When I moved all my stuff into my single room on the third floor of Muir Hall, I kind of forgot that one day soon, all these rooms to my right and left will be FILLED with girls!!

I can't believe we only have a week before residents move in!!

My staff here at Muir Hall is pretty awesome. I'll give you a little run-down:

Patrick - Crazy curly haired man. He is tall and awkwardly really funny. He likes to mountain-bike and scare girls.

Jeff - Returning RA in Muir Hall. Very nerdy (he will admit to as much) in classical ways - Star Wars, Zelda, HPV (which does not stand for what you think it does... it's Human-Powered Vehicle)

Gaylen - A little more shy than the rest of us, but just as funny. He also enjoys the nerdy things in life and is also a musician like me!

Kristi - Lovely, solid Christian girl. I am so lucky to have her as a fellow RA and friend. She and I never met before this, but it feels like we have been friends forever and will be friends for a long time.

All five of us get along super well together and it is SO much fun exploring the Math and Science geekiness that is inevitable in a Math and Science Hall.

Our theme for opening is going to be Space. And I'm stoked about it. We're going to have Mars and Venus Bathroom signs, Planetary names for each wing.... and PATRICK came up with these awesome sketches for space dinos. They're pretty epic.

So, that will be happening too.

=) I'm loving it.

MUIRONS UNITE!!!
- Jessica

Shout-Out to my Sibs

2009-08-28T23:24:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my last night in familiar land for a while. FamiliaL, familiaR, tomato, tomato. The sibs and mom and I are taking the trip to San Luis Obispo tomorrow morn to invade the city!

Just kidding, they’re taking me back to school. In the Suburban. Which gets nervous going over 65. Good thing we in the car like each other. 10 HOURS. mm.

But I have absolutely treasured this trip home. I am so lucky to have the brothers and sister that I do!!

Jourdan, Zachary, Noah:

I have loved every moment.

FOR example:

Blasting NKOTB in Camo
Lil’ Marky’s third nipple
Candy at BAS-Has
*I’m immersed in an underground Alabama Lab-R-inth*
The Sketch Record Store (oof)
Cabelas Fudge.
Still Frauesssh

Now, that’s just to name a few... =)

I JUST love you guys and am SO glad you’re in my life and I’m in yours. It’s an honor.

And thank you Daddy for these wonderful people. Ur tight.

- Jess

Dreams of a Melody

2009-08-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

I've been doing hours upon hours of research on musical recording equipment! This is my wish-list that I've come up with:

Blue Bluebird Microphone package (mic, pop filter, shock mount, cable)

TC Electronics Konnekt 8 Interface (Connects microphone/keyboard to computer)

Logic Express 8 by Apple (Recording Software: a step up from Garageband on the Mac)

One step at a time, I hope to build my recording "studio" =) Right now, I'm just singing into my computer, recording into Garageband -which is SO much fun - but I'd like to invest in some components that will help create a better sounding, better quality song! A piece of art.

It's gonna be fun. =)

Shout out to all the musicians out there! Tell me what your favorite pieces of recording equipment are! I'd love to hear.

Peace, joy, and happiness
- Jessica

A Fresh Word From God.

2009-07-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

I was recently forwarded an excerpt from a book by A.W. Tozer. Some things stuck out to me.

One, that current Christianity is kind of in the same boat as Judaism was when Christ came. It is comfortable and preachers know how to talk about it. But what we really need is a fresh word from God. We need leaders with eyes to see what the Spirit is doing NOW.

"Another kind of religious leader must arise among us. He must be of the old prophet type, a man who has seen visions of God and has heard a voice from the Throne. When he comes (and I pray God there will be not one but many) he will stand in flat contradiction to everything our smirking, smooth civilization holds dear. He will contradict, denounce and protest in the name of God and will earn the hatred and opposition of a large segment of Christendom. Such a man is likely to be lean, rugged, blunt-spoken and a little bit angry with the world. He will love Christ and the souls of men to the point of willingness to die for the glory of the one and the salvation of the other. But he will fear nothing that breathes with mortal breath."

Two, that now, in order to cooperate with what Heaven is doing and what God desires so wholly to do with us, we need to have voices for him.

"What is needed desperately today is prophetic insight. Scholars can interpret the past; it takes prophets to interpret the present. Learning will enable a man to pass judgment on our yesterdays, but it requires a gift of clear seeing to pass sentence on our own day. One hundred years from now historians will know what was taking place religiously in this year of our Lord; but that will be too late for us. We should know right now."

Read the full article here.

What do you think?

- Jessica

Music, Sound, Technology

2009-07-23T16:16:00.000-07:00

I am absolutely beside myself with hope for the future. LOL.

I am realizing that I am creatively bent to the extreme. I'm getting excited about really finding what it is I want to do with my life.

I'm beginning to embrace who I am. For the longest time, I assumed that I was very linear in nature. But when it really comes down to it, I am a musician and artist and math/science is just a means to an end. Yes, math is beautiful, but what I'm really passionate about is music and people. =)

I LOVE learning about math, physics, sound and technology and how it's all inter-connected with music. It just makes me absolutely GIDDY! I found the MUSIC section in my school library that has many fascinating titles, but one caught my eye particularly - "Music, Sound, Technology" by John M. Eargle.

I do still want to teach math because I want to give people a good foundation to build upon when they pursue the things God has created them for. Math is critically important in helping to understand the world around us and is needed for almost everything someone pursues.

So I'm studying on my own... what a concept! Learning about music, sound, technology... and alongside that, exploring worship and writing songs. Jesus, you are just AMAZING. I don't understand how people can do life without you. I know I couldn't. I love you.

Thank you Jesus for the creative EXPLOSION that's happening in the world. Lord I pray that you would guide those that follow you to magnify you in the most effective and crazy way possible.

Lord, I praise you for all you're doing, I love being part of this time.

Yours forever,
Love,
- Jessica

Never Put God in a Small-Box

2009-07-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

Wow. The last few days, I've been putting God in a "small box."

Now, what do I mean when I say "small box?"

I have not credited to Him the power to take me

ANYWHERE

to do with me

ANYTHING

to bring me alongside

ANYONE

God is SO huge. And can do anything, bring me anywhere, align me with anyone. I will not stick to small dreams. I will not be a small person. And I will not put God in a small box!

To YOU be the glory God. Forever and ever, Amen.

C is for Commitment

2009-07-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

For a long time, I think I've been operating selfishly when it comes to commitment and service.

When someone invites me to do something or serve in some way, I tell them that I will think about it, pray about it, and get back to them. Then the follow-through is my weak point.

I DO think/pray about it. Often! Yet, I have trouble committing myself to say yes or no.

This applies also to projects. I often begin a really sweet project and have every intention of finishing it, but then I don't. I move on to the next thing.

I don't think God wants me to walk like that!

=)

I'm trying to figure out why I operate like this... maybe those of you who know me will have an idea... I think it's funny that when you find something like this in yourself, often you can't see exactly why, but FOR SOME REASON, everyone else knows... :)

I think my lack of commitment is rooted in fear. Afraid to put myself in a position that I can't get out of... hmm. Or afraid that I end up doing the "wrong" thing. Or afraid that I'm not following God's will. Maybe I’m afraid of being confined to a box – unable to move about in freedom.

For example. If my friend invites me to do something on Thursday night, I don't want to for SURE say yes because, what if when it comes to that time, I don't feel like doing it? mm... it's all about moment-by-moment with me... i think that's unhealthy. It doesn't provide any consistency for my friends and other relationships. I need to be able to let my Yes be Yes and my No be No.

Otherwise, I'm just dragging people along for the ride. They are utterly and completely at my whim. If I show up, that's awesome, but they can't always DEPEND on that. Wow. It's hard to see that about myself.

I'm sure it is a lot deeper than just these thoughts. I will delve deep personally with God to ask him where the root is... He is the one who can truly transform me.

I do believe that God wants me to finish what I've started and not be afraid to walk through doors that He has obviously opened for me.

NO FEAR JESSICA!

God is not a primarily logical God, but it helps our human minds to wrap around something, so logically, I've boiled it down to this when it comes to decisions:

1. Discern what is the Holy Spirit and what is my flesh then listen to the Spirit
2. Trust the Lord that what He tells me is true
3. Walk in obedience and godly commitment

With His grace - only by His grace - I will learn this lesson. =)

Lord, I submit myself to your process.

Walking with the Lord for a little while has told me that now, HERE comes the testing time... :D
- Jess <><

A Song of Joy

2009-07-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

Slowly, Slowly,

I am becoming free.

I am listening to a song that I wrote yesterday. And I can't stop smiling. I am giddy!

I love inspired creative works. They are so... INSPIRED. =)

It makes me want to dance, pull someone in with me. This is a lovely life we live.

I'm beginning to have infectious joy. I am no longer affected by my outside world because my Father has injected me with his peace. His Insurmountable joy.

=D

I hope this little snippet of a song pulls you in too.

Is she really
As wonderful as the stars?
In the beating of His heart?
Is it true?

Can she really
Open up her soul
In the middle of this golden dream?

Oh she cries,
Oh she cries,
Is it true?

Oh she cries,
Oh she cries,
Is it You?

-------

I'm so happy. :)

I hope one day I'll be sharing this snippet to music. :)

- Love, Jessica

image credit: Grace - I remember you today, the beauty you radiate...

Ollallie Berries!!!

2009-07-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

This:

Turned into

.
.
.
.
.
.

This:

This should put you on the edge of your seat.

2009-07-02T23:05:00.001-07:00

Wow. As my sister so lovingly reminded me in a comment, it's been FOREVER since I posted!

So,

I'll do it tomorrow. =D

What's Next?

2009-06-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

I am SO inspired to do something absolutely crazy and creative and epic. Beautiful for God.

He has placed within me such a passion. I'm discovering what it is I'm truly passionate about. My ethos. He is instilling His message within me and I am discovering the desire of His heart for mine.

I will continue to pursue the Maker. The Divine Creator.

Where will I go? What will I do? It's all up to Him. Show me what's next Father. I'll go.

Connected - A Sister Story

2009-06-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Father’s day. And I love my Daddy so hard!

However. I have the inkling to write an I-Love-my-sister post.

So.

Daddy, I adore you and you are absolutely worthy of a day all to yourself. I miss you and will call you tomorrow. =)

Until then:

J****** E******** M*****

Forgive me, I just watched “National Treasure.” :)

I love you sister.

You inspire me to be a better big sister and a better woman. You are so strong and beautiful. I am so delighted to be part of your life and wish we could be closer geographically!! I can’t believe it’s already gotten to the point in our lives where we have to call each other because we live in different states! That wasn’t supposed to happen in my mind until we stopped playing Pocahontas in the backyard! (I want to be Nakoma – the pretty friend who catches Pocahontas in the cornfield. ;)

I miss you baby sister and you’ll never know how much you mean to me and how excited I am to see you grow into the most marvelous sPICamore tree.

Love you Jourdan,
Jessica

-----

WATCH THIS MOVIE! It made me want to cry and laugh SO hard at the same time!! I love you wild woman.

Connected

P.S. IS THAT NAKOMA WITH KOKOUM AT THE END!????

AHH!

hilarity.

I'm SINGIN!

2009-06-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

This picture pretty much speaks for itself.

But if it really NEEDED a caption, it would most definitely be:

HAPPY PLACE!!!

:)

What's your happy place?

- Jess <><

Wordle - Surrender

2009-06-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

As I head into summer, giddy as a pearl-ridden clam, I find myself with all these personal ambitions..

- sew a sundress
- write some music
- get involved
- feed a deer
.
.
.

the list goes on.

And then I feel a little tug on my heartstrings. I can get so comfortable making my own plans.. but really, all I need to do is:

Courtesy of Wordle

My Song

2009-06-05T21:29:00.004-07:00

What is my song?

It is a little girl cry of delight as Daddy swoops her up in his strong arms

It is the sigh of a woman deeply in love

It is the desire of a daughter in desperate need of a Savior

It is the howl of a lone wolf longing for his purpose

It is a dip in the waters of grace

It is a sweet smile and timeless gaze

I set my eyes on you King. You are my warrior. I walk towards your light.

You are my one desire. The fire that burns in my soul. I am all Yours. Devoted to YOU FOREVER. YOU are my one and only.

Love, your love,
Jessica

and Yours I remain.

Picture Credit: Hannah on Grace

Kin, Mustache, and Smith - Part II

2009-06-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

For a humorous look at the first two parts of Kin, Mustache and Smith, please refer to Part I of this post.

Sunday had more of a spiritual focus – go figure. =)

I went to church in the morning and got absolutely rocked during worship. Ha. Tried to leave early because I thought I had a lot of work to do at home.. good one. I couldn’t make myself leave! I went right back in, got on my knees and ended up crying and surrendering. Hilarious.

Got invited to lunch by a woman in the church who had seen me dancing and wanted to talk to me about worship and get to know me more.. SO awesome! We went to a bomb Mexican restaurant with her daughter and friend Joseph. It was so great. We connected on a lot of levels. It was so nice to be with people who are familiar with the same names and places that I am familiar with through my home church!!

Speaking of connection. In the car on the way to Vallarta’s (that blessed Mexican restaurant), Joseph was playing Kim Walker-Now-SMITH’s album “Here is My Song.” I was reminded how much her music has spoken to me in the past and bought it this morning. It’s rocked my world all today and reminded me how much I love Jesus and worshipping and connections.

Sunday night, I called my mommy and cried like a baby – a big, frustrated, tired baby. It was priceless. Mom talked to me, prayed for me, and we talked through some things that have been really bothering me.

I was holding some things against God, a little angry about the way things turned out, and impatient about My desires for my life. Since then, I have been slowly letting go of my insufficient way and grabbing hold of His life. I was greatly impacted by a blogger named B.J. Hamrick. Read her post “The Test” on her website/blog here. It pierced me and spoke to my struggle deeply.

Still in a funk on Monday, I did NOT want to go to Bible Study with the Sequoia girls. In fact, I DESPERATELY did not want to go. It’s no mistake that the Devil wanted to keep me down and did not want me to go fellowship with other Christians that cared about me! Unfortunately for the Devil, Bible Study is two doors down and so my feet led me to Kirsten and Julia’s room, but my heart was still very hard and unreceiving.

Funny how God knows exactly what you need.

In Bible Study, each woman was placed in the center of the group’s attention and had her life spoken into by the wonderful girls surrounding her. We gave encouraging words, recalled wonderful memories, and listed qualities that we admired in that person. It was INCREDIBLY life-giving not only to receive but also to give. Later that night, we made simple leather bracelets (see below) to remind us of the verse that exhorts us to set our minds on heavenly things.

The girls were pulled so much closer together and our collective love for Jesus majorly increased..

He is becoming enough.

And so, I grow.

I live, I laugh, I love. God has blessed me SO much and I am honored to be His daughter, pleased to be his hands and feet, and so much in love with his Son.

I pray you would find similar joy and peace in our Jesus.

Goodnight!
- Jessica <><

Kin, Mustache, and Smith - Part I

2009-06-02T19:45:00.000-07:00

The name of my suave new law firm? Or the summary of an incredible week with friends and Jesus?

Mmm, if you picked the latter, you are correct!

I have had a whirlwind of fun this week that I would just love to tell you about. I’ve split it up into two parts because it was so chock full of fabulous. Hunker down, grab some chocolate, and enjoy..

So my favorite girls in the entire world, namely Lynda and Jourdan Meyers - my best friends and woman family members - came to visit me last Wednesday night. We pretty much crammed as much fun as is possible in a two day period.

Imagine:
1. Crooning with Josh Gracin
2. Getting jiggy with it at line-dancing on Thursday night
3. Waiting in LONG starbucks lines
4. MM! A late-night showing of X-Men: WOLVERINE at the Fremont theatre!
5. Watching athletic college men kicking a soccer ball and each other while sipping peppermint hot chocolate

Epic. To put it lightly.

So, my wonderful other two-thirds left on Saturday morning. I was sad to see them go, but enjoyed a fabulous nap on Saturday afternoon and then a delightful second-to-last weekend in Sequoia Hall!

Friends Tyler and Lauren and I had the BRILLIANT idea to grill salmon fillets for dinner on Saturday. We set down our books, skipped to village market to buy said fillets and proceeded to make the most delectable meal my taste buds have beheld yet in the backyard of Sequoia. Tyler, grill-master that he is, lemon-garlic-ed those fish to tender perfection. We boiled water over the grill (about a twenty-minute endeavor) and made some pasta which we drenched in butter, lemon, more garlic, and some of the "fish juice." I grabbed a little "color" while we were at village market - baby tomatoes to add garnish to the bland colored plate. Forget the tan COLOR, this meal was anything but bland. It was so delicious. Maybe it tasted so good because we had been drooling over it for over an hour... maybe that played a part, but really, wow.

And we haven't even touched on dessert yet. Lauren and I surprised Tyler with a beautiful "bridal shower" concoction that Lauren pulled out of a maid of honor memory. It's so hard to prepare. Ready?

Quarter strawberries but leave attached to green leaves so the flesh forms a pocket around the center. Fill with cream cheese. Drizzle with melted chocolate. Top with powdered sugar. Arrange on a pretty blue plate with blackberries interspersed within and around.

WHY did we not take a picture?

I really don't know. Honestly, I have no idea.

Suffice to say, it was an incredible meal with awesome friends.

So that was, umm, ONE highlight of Saturday. The other could be described in words, but I feel it is better represented by a picture:

HA. I’m not sure how this was begun. I think Lauren and I were at the front desk doing something random, and we saw our awkward friend in the TV lounge and decided to dress up as cowboys to surprise him... ?

So Ondrea behind the desk offers to grab these AWESOME mustaches that we could use and I grab my stunna shades and bandanas. Earl and SkunkCatcher were gloriously born. We wow-ed Ricky with our improv skills – cattle-ranching, skunk-catching, dirty-bandit-wrestling… the adventures of Earl and Skunkcatcher are disastrously funny.

Later, we were invited to go get mochas at Peets in Poly Canyon Village with a couple dudes from the study lounge. I think it was our outfits that got us the date. =) We gladly donned our mustaches, mounted our trusty steeds, and made the voyage. Whenst we returned, we popped in "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" with wonderful friends Maro and Alyssa and then pulled out the HENNA.

Seriously? Could this night get any better?

Then came Sunday.

If this were a read-along book, the following *ding* would be the signal to turn the page.

*ding*

- Jessica <><

Yearning for Love

2009-05-16T17:22:00.001-07:00

I find myself wanting so much to have a hand to hold, a heart to share, a companion to walk through life with... I want someone to care deeply about me.. to want to know about me. Someone who loves me.

I think that's what EVERYONE is really searching for...

and I think that's what God is really searching for too.

Who will come to my intimate chambers? Who will return the love I have shown? Who will pursue me?

I feel like sometimes I get so close to truly loving.. then I freak out and things get weird.. It's like I won't let myself truly get close and love in freedom. Fear takes hold and I can't shake it.

It used to be easy.. when I was a child, I thought like a child. It was easy to trust... I didn't have a care in the world. But then I grew and adopted fears of my parents, of the world, of my own.

And Jesus came to free me from my fears. He wants to get so close to me. and I am so lazy and afraid.

I am so not good enough for him and yet he still pursues me. I do not understand why.

But I am grateful.

And I am learning to open up to him more... It's a sacrifice. A surrender.

Okay, God, here I am. I want to trust you. So bad. I remember what it used to be like.. so in love. I will follow you back to that place.

Love you Jesus,
Jessica

Like Sunlight Burning at Midnight..

2009-05-10T15:06:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am experiencing a "dark night of the soul." I can still go through the motions of faith, but my heart is so broken on the inside..

I am aware that I am in this season, and i know it is ultimately good, and I will come out of it in strength.. yet, that doesn't make it suck any less.

I've been writing songs that are "half-songs.." I have the sad part written, the broken part, and know there is a redemptive part too that will come as I come into redemption myself.

The following song is where I want to get to...

Beautiful, Beautiful
By Francesca Batistelli

Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

(Chorus)

I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace

Father, I trust you. The part that is still hanging on by a thread says, I trust you Father.. You've brought me this far. I trust you...

- Jessica

Metamorphosis - Part I

2008-12-25T14:28:00.000-08:00

Expectantly, with a buzzing anticipation in her bones, she touched her face to the glass. Waiting, watching. It was as if her life was being transformed from the inside out and she, by golly, had a front row seat. She watched as her rotating, true body hung lifeless. Suspended in the middle of a darkened room. Simple and circular. “Where is the life?” She wondered.

All at once, the head on top, in the center of the room, twitched a little. As if in shock, Jessica touched her own head to feel it vibrating softly. Inside the room, crystal, light-filled, green eyes snapped open and looked about. Jessica felt her whole body begin to collapse as this other part of her came gently alive. The Spirit-woman – beautiful, righteous, and true.

“Come out, come out!” The voices of many little children rang in Jessica’s ears. She closed her eyes and faded from this world to the next.

All fear was definitely gone and Autumn was acutely aware of the body she left behind.

“Don’t worry about the former things. The old has passed. The new has come.”

A lion’s voice.

“Come forward into the place I have called you. My beloved, believe and see.”

Purity

2008-11-03T18:53:00.000-08:00

Purity of thought, purity of deed
Lord of my heart, won’t you please rescue me?
From this world of hate and lingering pressure to be
Not as I wish, but as I am not.

I think there is only One.
Yes, there is only ONE who can
HEAL me and rake me clean
Oh, less and less dirty substance.

Feel me?

Throw me

A question, and answer SET

I wish to be known.

Hey Y'all!

2008-10-21T15:30:00.000-07:00

I am doing so well! Friends are good, life is good, weather is GORGE.

I got a 41/50 on my math midterm.. not as well as a I would have hoped, but an honorable score.. :)

I’m working on 16.3 right now in the library. I just talked to my “Study Session” leader about becoming a study session leader for next quarter and it seems like that is going to be a great option for a job for me.. flexible hours, teaching experience, math... I think it will be great!

So when I first got here, on one of the first weekends, there was an evening “Java Jam” on Santa Lucia’s back lawn. There were people performing and I wanted to join in, so I grabbed my guitar and signed up for one of the slots. I asked that God would change the atmosphere through me and that people would see the light in me.

Recently, I received an e-mail asking me to play for another open mic event for the halls this weekend! I replied that I would love to, and so, I will be doing that on Friday evening! Please pray that it would not be about me, but that the people listening would be radically touched by God. mm. amen.

I miss you guys so much and CANNOT WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS!!! WHOO HOOOO! It’s only like 8 weeks away until I’ll be home! I should start a countdown.

OooooohH!!!!

7 weeks and 1 day

!!

LOOOVE,

-Jess <><

In Sickness and In Health

2008-10-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

I think I’m getting sick.. beginnings of a sore throat.. bummer! I’m trying to adjust my sleeping patterns and begin to live more healthily with regards to what I eat and the activities I do (more exercise).

With each of you as my witness, I am committed to getting to bed before 11:00 every night and waking up early to have some intense alone time in the morning before I start my day. I will choose to eat more fruits and veggies and eat only when I’m hungry. I will take better care of my body and exercise more frequently (e.g. take walks, bike rides, hikes, runs and stretch more).

As much as I’m doing this physical overhaul, I’m really showing on the outside what’s happening on the inside. God is taking me through this rigorous process of cleaning me out. Praise you Jesus. I love you.

He’s teaching me SO much about love, life, happiness, trust, focus, spirit, truth...

Pray that I have the strength to take all this instruction and learn it with every fiber of my being.

Update on my mind (since you got physical, and spiritual, let’s throw an emotional in there :) I have a ticket home and back for Christmas break! I was SOOOOO excited to see that beautiful itinerary. I’m already getting so pumped to come home and be with you in the lovely Tri-Cities winter. : )

It’s October and feels like May here. : ) Pumpkins, scarves, hot chai tea lattes??? Where art thou?

I want my spark back. I want to be so passionate about life. I’m on the track back into physical, spiritual, and emotional health, but it’s a CONSTANT battle, so your prayers and thoughts are much appreciated!

Bye!

2008-09-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

I love you guys... sorry I haven't been blogging much!

I am on my way out of the Tri-Cities for a while. I'll be going to California with my mom and sister on Monday morning this next week! Cal Poly here I come!

I'll be taking a two math classes and a physics class and an "Orientation to the Math Major" class.

That's right folks, I'm switching to a Math major!

:)

No longer will I be pursuing architecture as the career of my dreams, but will now be taking tons of math classes to hopefully become a math teacher. I've always loved math and loved teaching and.. teaching math. :)

This change is totally God and I feel incredible peace about the decision.

SO, linear algebra, new friends, and living on my own... all new experiences. Happening within the next couple of weeks! Wow!

Thanks to all for your support and love. You mean the world to me. God bless each and every one.

MUAH,
- Jess <><

Surrender... What does that mean?

2008-06-25T06:50:00.000-07:00

All to You

I surrender

Everything, every part of me

All to You

I surrender

All of my dreams, all of me

- Surrender

What does surrender look like?
Well, it looks humble, given over to God, selfless, free.

This is the automatic outflow of asking God to take it all.

Father, you gave everything, now I, Father, give you everything.

Lord bless people I meet today. Let them receive a God-touch just by breathing the same air.

Love you Daddy,
- Jess <><

p.s. worship music is so powerful

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Brokenness

2008-05-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

Father, bring me to a state of brokenness. I am so full of myself sometimes. Almost all the time.

God, you and you alone are deserving of praise. Not I, not anyone on this earth can comprehend your vast greatness and mercy. You loved me first. I can't believe you could love me like this.

The following pieces from an excerpt out of Real FamilyLife magazine (Nov. 1997) have hugely convicted me of my desperate need for brokenness and repentance.

The Beauty of Brokenness

Proud people look down on others.
Broken people esteem all others better than self

Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit.
Broken people have a dependent spirit and recognize the need for others.

Proud people need to maintain control: must be my way.
Broken people surrender control

Proud people have to prove that they are right.
Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right!

Proud people have a desire to be a success.
Broken people have the desire to be faithful to make others a success.

Proud people feel confident in how much they know.
Broken people are humbled by how much they have to learn

Proud people are self-conscious.
Broken people are not concerned with self at all.

Proud people are concerned with being "respectable"
Broken people are concerned with being real

Proud people are concerned about what others think
Broken people know that all that matters is what God knows

Proud people compare themselves with others and feel deserving of honor.
Broken people compare themselves to the holiness of God and feel desperate need for mercy

WOW.

That last one is incredibly convicting.

God is SO big. He is so LOVE. Let him deal with your pride.

We are entering a rapidly-moving, humility-requiring, intense spiritual era on this earth. The ball is rolling, but we need to make sure our hearts are clean and ready to move with Him.

The Lion, Jesus, has awakened my heart.

Let's roll.

Power, Love, Sound Mind

2008-05-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

"Gone are the days of timidity. From this day forward you will walk in boldness."
- Lynda Meyers speaking over me this morning

God has not given us a spirit of fear. God has not given us a spirit of fear. But He has given unto us a spirit of power, a spirit of love, and of sound mind.

Power, Love, Sound Mind is MINE.

Fierceness return. This is my spirit-cry. My El-Shaddai.

He completes my walk, makes me pure, beautiful, glorious.

Thank you Father, for this season. You've grown me so much. It's not over yet. But I choose this day to end the madness. The lies of the enemy will permeate my mind no longer. He has been defeated. Christ's love well up in me. Thank you for giving me vision. God, you are good.

Lord, give me a new understanding of your supremity. Your arm is so far-reaching. Beyond time and space. You are motion unveiled. Freedom ignited. Falsity expelled.

God, I let go of my pride, my need to get things done, my need for approval. I lay these things down and accept into my heart the words you speak over me.

You call me as your own. Your bride. Your beautiful one. I have been called to free the prisoners, cry into the darkness and call forth those who are not yet as though they are. Open my eyes and ears father.

Love you,
- Jess <><

Beautiful Day

2008-04-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

Birds and the Bees... awkward? :)

2008-04-01T15:25:00.000-07:00

I am creating a photo and music project for a graduation requirement. I love pictures and I love melodies... so together, this should be pretty sweet. Add a taste of the divine into the picture, and I'm pretty sure it's a winning combination. :)

I was taking picture of the myriad of bees that have invited themselves over to our cherry tree block party. I asked God to take the pictures. He made them great! His creation, His photo... it just makes sense.

Let's invite God into everything we do. He can make it infinitely more meaningful and beautiful. It's true!

- Jessica <><

Capture the Moment

2008-03-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

I've just had two beautiful reminders of how sweet "time" is. First, Jenna posted this video that made me want to cry. It is so funny and so vulnerable and so capturing. I love these friends.

It made me ache because I feel like I haven't engaged in a while. It inspired me to really become part of this beautiful weave. God has put us each in each other's lives for a reason. I don't want to miss out on what He has purposed!

Then, I went over to Hannah's blog and she writes:

A while back I read on Ann's blog about blessings. I have been thinking on how little time I have left in this season of my life. Who knows what will happen after those six months I am gone... Things will never again be as they are now.

So I want to remember.

I want to praise Him for who He is to me. In this moment.

For the gifts of His love that surround me. For these precious few days I have left.

I will praise His beauty in the now.

God, awaken the eyes of my heart to see the beauty, the good, the pure, the lovely, and the right. I will see You.

"Those who look to Him are radiant, their faces are never covered with shame." Psalm 34:5

I just really want to capture these moments I have here. Every breath is so precious. I feel like I've just been drolling day to day. I hate that. That's not what life is. Life is grasping the moment. Throwing your heart into the ring.

My friend Jenna is leaving in less than a week for Australia. My best friend Hannah will be going to Switzerland in a few months. My buddy Nick is leaving for Germany in 3 months. I am going to Sweden in 3 and then California! What? That's really happening?

It doesn't seem like all of this is real. But it is! I have absolutely CHERISHED these times with these friends. Oh my goodness, Lord, let me not take them for granted. Every moment I can spend with them is SO precious.

Lord, get me out of my little box. I want my heart to be free to love, free to be who I am in You. I am beautiful and I want to offer this beauty to my friends and family.

Lord, let me be a radiant smile, a caring hug, a kind word.

I love you Jesus. You make me worthy of love.

I love you friends. I hope you know that!

All my love,
- Jess <><

Metamorphosis

2008-03-12T08:06:00.000-07:00

I am learning the value of completely relying on Jesus, and on His sacrifice.

I am learning the truth of "I can do nothing to earn or un-earn His love."

I am blossoming from my cocoon into the butterfly I am meant to be. It is messy and birth-like.

Thank you Jason Thompson for speaking on Sunday... you really spoke words from God's heart that I needed to hear.

Thank you Dawn for speaking truth.

Thanks Mom for confirming the butterfly thing.

Thanks God for bringing me through this time, as hard as it's been. I trust you.

- Jess <><

Tagged - 123 Meme!

2008-02-29T20:09:00.001-08:00

Ha ha... unbelievable. It's my political science book. Get ready to jump into the world of international relations... yeeeaah!!

Here are the rules to the game:
1. Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating!
2. Find page 123.
3. Find the first 5 sentences.
4. Post the next 3 sentences.
5. Tag 5 people.

Okay, before I pick up the book, I am going to trust that God will bring out of this something good. I love you Jesus, no matter what... even if it's ridiculous!!! Actually, especially if it's ridiculous.

:)

Here goes:

"When Olympic champions step atop the ceremonial stand to receive their gold medal, their country's flag is raised and its national anthem is played. Furthermore, states are the most powerful of all political actors. Some huge companies approach or even exceed the wealth of some poorer countries, but no individual, company, group, or international organization has anywhere near the coercive power wielded by most states."

States are the political identity for most people.

Let's metaphor-ize:

In the same way, when we "press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called [us] heavenward" our "identity" is in Christ Jesus. He is the most powerful state and our high priest. Nothing, no principality, no darkness, can ever separate us from the love of God. His power is the biggest out there. None can compare.

Wow, I just want to fall in love with Jesus. He is soo good. Soooo beautiful. What a man. What a God.

Blessings to all.

Pass this on to your friends! :)

I will tag Jourdan, Emily C., and then the rest of the people I would tag have already been tagged!

- Jess <><

Jessica: Looking forward!

2008-02-10T13:50:00.000-08:00

I am 18 years old, and God has blessed me beyond measure.

I had a fabulous birthday! I don't have school on Fridays, so this birthday was DIVINE. I devoted the entire day to NO homework, and did what I wanted to do THE WHOLE DAY. It was fabulous. I got my nails done, had lunch with my sister at Southridge, got color in my hair and chopped it off, then had the most amazing get-together of friends. I am in relationship with the most wonderful people. You know who you are, and thank you for being part of my life!

My parents and I took a trip to California last weekend to visit my future school. I've been accepted into the architecture program at Cal Poly University in San Luis Obispo. Starting in the Fall, I will be studying my little heart out in the beautiful hills of San Luis.

What I found on my trip FAR exceeded my hopes and dreams. It was as if God hand-picked this area for me.

Or hand-picked me for this area... :) I'm up for both...

It really put me at peace to be able to have a picture to go along with what I expected. Spending 3 or 4 days there was exactly what I needed, and I have to say, I cannot wait to go back!

People ask me about the weather down there, and... it was gorgeous! It rained a couple days in the morning, but then around 10:00 AM, the clouds parted and revealed a stunning blue-sky day.

The whole geography of the place is astounding. The hills are stunning, completely beckoning me to climb them! The ocean was gorgeous. The campus was Perfect. I am so pleased to call Cal Poly my future home!

One thing that blew me away was the unbelievable kindness of every single person we met. There was not an unsatisfied face among them! Every person we talked to flippin' raved about the school and the town. My parents and I couldn't be happier. The people were great, the food was great, the shopping is great! :)

God set up a few divine appointments during our trip. One was to meet a pretty (inside and out) Christian 5th year architecture student at the place we were staying. We talked about faith, doing what you're created to do, and bringing that into your design. She welcomed my parents and I to check out her design lab. Wow. It was amazing!

I'm so excited to be out on my own: to explore for myself, create an identity for Jesus to shine through, find new places, meet new people. I'm giddy.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me, loved me, protected me, and cherished me throughout the years! Words cannot express my gratitude. You propel me forward and I go with you in my heart.

Blessings upon blessings for you and your house,
Love - Jessica <><

Character Counts

2008-01-28T20:12:00.000-08:00

I wrote this essay for a scholarship opportunity through the Grand Canyon State Games. Just thought I would share it.

It was really hard to not write about God, but I think the truth of these statements are as much a testimony to His character as actually mentioning His name would be. :)

Chevrolet and Character – Like a Rock

"Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike."
— Theodore Roosevelt

In the same way that a building cannot stand without a proper foundation, so a person cannot stand without a foundation of good character. Integrity, honesty, and trustworthiness are just a few of the many values that demonstrate good character. These qualities are crucial to building strong relationships, enhancing a person’s inherent gifting, and exuding a personality that encourages others.

Building a relationship is like building a house. The foundation is the most vital step. The following is an account regarding two men who built new houses: one built his on a foundation of sand, the other on rock. When the storm raged and the rain came down, the house of sand crumbled, but the house built on the rock stood firm. A peaceful relationship is based on elements of good character – integrity, honesty, and trustworthiness - so that when conflicts arise, the establishment stands unshaken.

As humans, we are constantly faced with decisions that demand a response. Our character provides a basis for us to act upon. For example, as a boy is running in the park, the woman listening to her headphones in front of him unknowingly drops a twenty-dollar bill from her pocket. In this moment, the young man has a choice to make. Will he operate out of deception and greed and keep the bill, or will he choose to employ honesty and trustworthiness as the agents of his action? In this way, our core values directly influence and guide our behavior. Just as an apple tree cannot produce oranges, a person’s “fruit” is telling of the inner character of that person. Every moment, we have the opportunity to determine what kind of fruit will accompany our name.

A person’s “gifting” is what he or she uniquely has to offer the world. This gifting can be powerful, but without character, it can be dangerous. Many a leader has fallen to deception, dishonesty, or selfish ambition as a result of the intoxication of power. Like a kite tethered by a string, so a man’s gifting must be held taut by the qualities of good character within that man. Only then can he fly with strength and honor.

As ambassadors for the world, we must be grounded in truth and right character. We must make a habit of doing right things right in every area of our lives: in the workplace, in our interpersonal relationships, and in our own personal lives. This world needs a people who will walk with integrity in relationships and in their gifting through every moment of choice. Like a foundation, like a kite-string, like a rock – character provides the roots necessary for this sort of life to thrive.

All In All

2008-01-25T20:28:00.000-08:00

I want to be:

Wildly submissive and

love-centered

Radically set apart

for His purposes

Infinitely focused

on His identity

Eternally intent upon

His Ways and Precepts

Forever enthralled

with the One who has

stolen my heart.

Chuck and Huck

2008-01-19T16:51:00.000-08:00

Laughing my face off. This is hysterical.

I just registered to vote in the Washington Primaries on the 19th! WHOO!

VOTE MIKE HUCKABEE!

- Jess <><

Input and Output

2008-01-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

Through this time of fasting and praying, I've been recognizing this mandate to only put into my eyes, mouth, spirit, mind what is pure and good. What I put into my system is crucial. It's like worshiping the Father.

We honor him by not only what comes out of our person but what goes into it.

I sincerely believe that our bodies, souls, spirits are intrinsically linked - that every single thing we put in through our physical senses, emotional senses, and spiritual senses have a profound effect on the other parts too.

I have a friend who, when she enters into a dark spiritual atmosphere, her stomach hurts and she feels sick. Now, how could this transfer - from spiritual reality to physical reality - take place if the mind, body, and spirit were not wholly connected with the others?

Jesus commands us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." - Mark 12:30

I'm realizing that we, as Christians, are an example for those around us. I've been convicted lately of what other people see in me. I want them them to see the beauty in me... the God in me. As a Jesus-representative, I want to eliminate those things in me that cloud over people's perception of who Christ is. I want to be a clear reflection of His Majesty and Love. He's so good, and so big, and I don't want to get in the way. I want to cooperate with Heaven. In all things.

1 Thessalonians 5:23
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I love you Daddy, and I choose to honor you by only putting into my system things that will bless you and then allow me to function as your extension on the earth.

Thanks God for the revelation,
- Jess <><

Updates!

2007-12-14T14:05:00.001-08:00

Update number 1:

I am currently restricted to a diet of pudding, jell-o, rainbow sherbet, and hydro-codone.

:)

Explanation: Tonsillectomy!

On 12-12-07, I went under the knife. Everything went very well - it was only a 45-minute surgery - and I came home that first day.

Yesterday, one of my best friends and her fiance came over and we watched movies. They brought pizza and I ate soup. :)

I'm doing pretty well today... the pain meds are helping a lot!

--------------------------------------------------

Update number 2:

I've been accepted into the architecture program at California Polytechnic University! I'll be moving next fall to San Luis Obispo where I'll reside for five or six years working on my Bachelors in Architecture degree.

I am EXTREMELY excited!

---------------------------------------

Update number 3:

Before I got my tonsils out, my sister and I went to see "August Rush"... It was a fabulous movie. I definitely recommend it! It was all about music and connection... great, great movie.

------------------------------------------------

Update number 4:

I'm finished with my Christmas shopping! I really like Christmas shopping, so I'm sad that it's over, but I still get to wrap and make cards.

:)

---------------------------------------------

Update number 5:

I officially love Gilmore Girls! My daddy totally fell in love with the show too. He just went out and bought all seven seasons to bless his women. Stud.

------------------------------------------------------
That's the new stuff!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to All!

- Jess <><

Autumn

2007-10-30T18:31:00.000-07:00

The Price of Kindness

2007-10-11T20:04:00.000-07:00

Today, I was driving from Pasco towards Kennewick. I was still deciding whether or not to go home for food, when God prompted me to get off at Court Street. I received a Holy Spirit inkling to get food at the red roofed building to my right. It happened to be a Carl's Junior. I was wondering how I would pay for my food, so I got out my wallet thinking God might have divinely provided some money. :) I thought maybe I would have enough change to buy something small. I rifled through my change and my only silver pieces were four dimes and one nickel. I left open the possibility that someone might pay for me, or I would just use my debit card.

I walked in the Exxon/Carl's Junior and had an friendly interaction with an older man. He was probably in his mid-50s and looked a bit walled off. I told him to please go before me because I wasn't sure what I was going to order yet. So he did, and as he was paying, he needed a nickel. He started searching for a nickel, and I piped up, "I've got a nickel." He gave the cashier a quarter he had just found, but turned and looked at me and said something like, "That's the nicest thing somebody has done for me in a long time," and the cashier said, "Yes, that was sweet."

I offered a nickel.

When I went out to my car with my food, the man was just leaving and asked if I lived in Pasco. I looked a bit puzzled and he reassured me he was not trying to pick me up... :) I told him no, I didn't. He continued... "Oh, I was going to say, if you lived in Pasco, I would give you a chance." I didn't understand, so I told him that. He further explained, "I'm an electricity guy, I'd give you a chance to pay before I shut your power off."

Wow.

I am still in awe that such a simple act of kindness would illicit such a response. It's amazing!

God's kingdom works that way.

Jesus healed people, inside and out, and they pledged their lives to His cause.

William Wallace freed people, inside and out, and they willingly followed him - even unto death.

Just a word, just a hug, just a nickel.

And people's lives can be changed.

I love the God we serve.

In Him,
- Jess <><

Woman

2007-10-02T19:45:00.000-07:00

"Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls

It rises with the sun."

- Shane and Shane

Such a redemption song. My heart just cries, laughs - comes alive - when this song plays.

It's talking about a girl who can't believe the King would want to see her form or hear her voice.

"Your voice is sweet,
Your form is lovely!"

My heart just breaks for the women of this earth who don't see their value - their priceless worth. Woman is so beautiful.

This revelation makes me want to battle for and with women. Stand side by side, and approach the throne with boldness.

The enemy has taken so much... drawn a curtain of grey and dreary over the lives of so many women.

I just want to cry out the truth that denounces the lies:

You are BEAUTIFUL! Your Father is good and He loves you with a fiery passionate love. Nothing can separate you from the love of your Father.

You are made in His image. You reflect His goodness, mercy, mystery, freedom, beauty.

Father, increase my heart for women. I just want to serve you, Dad. You know my heart and the hearts of each woman I encounter everyday.

Daddy, give me wisdom, your words, and peace.

I love you,

- Jess <><
Forever Yours

Man - Woman: POWER

2007-08-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

"He's my other half."

"We're like two puzzle-pieces."

"We complete eachother."

We hear these phrases often when two people are in love. They feel more complete - like what seemed to be missing is now present.

I think it feels this way because men and women have different roles to play and they each speak of different characteristics of God, the Creator.

I believe God set it up this way for a purpose... that this completion of person speaks of a universal truth. God started it in the very beginning.

Genesis 1:27 - "So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them."

He created male and female each in His image. Aspects of GOD portrayed in each one.

Men and women each embody different facets of God's character. Then, when a man and a woman come together as one, a more complete picture of the Creator is displayed.

A man brings strength, wisdom, and leadership.

A woman represents beauty, mystery, tenderness, mercy.

Though I have yet to personally experience it, because I know God, I can say this.

This is the Power of Intimacy -

Man and Woman - each reflecting God's image - come together as one. This united team is unstoppable.

Worship from the Heart

2007-07-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

Worship is an expression of unadulterated passion. It is a purposed recognition of His splendor and majesty.

It is desire - expressed through sound and movement.

Worship is a heart attitude - one that is humble, desperate, grateful.

It is a way we love on our King.

We glorify his name, acknowledge His sovereignty, and rest in His presence.

Release of sound. Cooperation with heaven.

Changed atmosphere inside and out.

Worship is what links us with God.

It is tears and laughter - a bubbling overflow of a spirit fully alive.

It is a laying down of burdens... a casting of cares.

It is sacrifice.

It is the essence of joy and love and peace - entwined together in an unstoppable combination...

:)

Worship is an expression of the heart.

- Jess <><

Awaken.

2007-07-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

"Just let my heart be alive -Let me be living deep, deep on the inside."

These are the words to a Misty Edwards song that perfectly encompasses this breakthrough I've been feeling needs to happen in my heart. I feel like I've been taking and selfish, but I want to give of my whole heart - selflessly. For me to be in a place where I can give, I need to be able to offer something.

I feel like I have nothing...

That's where Jesus comes in. :)

His love has set me free...

Now, what will I do with that freedom!

I will offer vulnerability, truth, and love – through Christ who strengthens me.

Wow.

I just picked up The Sacred Romance this morning.

The very first quote reads,

“Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been wakened by the touch of god within them.” – A.W. Tozer

I feel this desperate longing to break out of my mundane dragging. These past few days have been characterized by shades of gray, but my deepest desire is to live with PASSION. Fire in my bones - for His Spirit kindles my heart.

When you enter into the presence of God, fears are displaced, humility enters your heart and you begin to walk - TRULY FREE.

I long to be operating in His grand adventure that is both inside and outside. That intrinsic knowing that I was created for this moment – this very breath. The constant journey of finding more of who He is and who I am created to be. The outer adventure of advancing His kingdom, following his heart, pursuing mystery.

mm.

Delve. Deep. Discover.

When I was with Hannah the other day, we drove through Starbucks for Venti Passion fruit Lemonades with Strawberries. (Hilarious.)

Now, everybody knows, when you roll up, the “Starbucks voice” offers you something special that you politely decline and then continue with your order. Well - we rolled up to the speaker and, Hannah’s windows being manual, we missed the voice’s greeting. Hannah looked at me, smiled, and then said loudly, “No thanks.” We both about died from laughter.

So here we are laughing our butts off while this gal is waiting for us to order. We squeezed out what we wanted, then pulled up to the window. Hannah was really friendly with this girl, asked her how her day was going, and then engaged her and another guy working there by saying, “You wanna hear what was so funny?” She proceeded to tell them our funny window story and they laughed too!

Hannah opened herself and allowed other people into our amusement. She explained that she has been really inspired by her brother and the way he engages people… even people he doesn’t know. Both parties are so enriched by an experience like that! So many times, I’m stuck in “Me” mode, and I don’t take the time or energy to be vulnerable with people. Often, it’s much easier to mask your true heart than to open up and be real. Engage the waitress at Dennys, ask the people at the bank what’s new in their life, or just go up to random people, meet them, and bless them!

As “boat races” and “fair” season approaches, I’m remembering the openness with which I operated in. It’s so humble, and so inviting. Let’s do it like Jesus did and welcome people in. Just love on them.

Man, I’ve got so much to write about regarding this subject. I think I’ll do a part two soon. Look for my next post.

Sneak Peek: Authentic worship and where our hearts come into play. Prophetic words and ministry... hmm. We’ll see what God does.

Awaken.

- Jess <><

Goose Tracks

2007-07-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

So, Hannah and Jourdan and I were down on the Columbia Park Trail yesterday, and came up with a brilliant movie idea.

We should film the geese.

I know, I know. Geese, right? They're smelly, honking, feathered balls of irritation. They flock together, have pea-sized brains, and nip at your kid's butt when Jimmy tries to feed em stale bread.

Yess... but watching their daily activities is hysterical!

So here we are - Peach, Plum, and Pear - just getting a kick out of these geese, when Hannah starts speaking for one of them. We took on voices for the geese, Andrew-style, and had a blast.

There were about 30 or 40 geese just meandering, attempting to cross the road, or freaking out at cars. It was entertainment to the max.

When I got home, characters for a goose-type motion picture - mmhmm, "Goose Tracks" - began to form in my head.

I e-mailed my dear friend Hannah with some sketches of the personalities. Keep an open mind. Take the red pill sucka.

Here they are now:

Harold - He's an oldey. Easily frightened, he is often the prey of prankster seagulls who love a good laugh. His specs are chronically misplaced.

Phillip - Germaphobic. Loves plaid. May be gay.

Vilma - Pleasantly plump, she enjoys a good meal. Her hearty laugh interrupted by honks is her most darling feature. She and Harold were sweethearts back in the day.

Clarence the Wise - No one really knows how old this goose is. Rumor has it, he was the very first to pioneer an "Asphalt Crossing"... Sit down and listen to the guy, he's a frickin' enigma.

Birch - Named after the tree his late father flew into. He has self-esteem issues. Tried poisonous berries one time and walked around singin' Born to be Wild for days. That kid can air-guitar like no other.

Mark - Uncontrollable bowels... Mark just can't hold it in. Poop, poop, pooperz poop poop. He's a pooper. He had a girlfriend once. Think she got hit by a boat.

And so, my quest begins for amusing character descriptions to not only make me laugh, but to stow away for a future documentary opportunity... :)

Post yours.

ha ha...

- Jess <><

Beauty

2007-06-25T19:37:00.000-07:00

What is true beauty?

I feel so very philosophical... :)

Beauty is a striking flower, filled with joy at her oppurtunity to stun the world

Beauty is a lion, majestic and Intense

Beauty is the Father's smile

Beauty fills the heart with a peace and knowledge that all is well.

Beauty does not ask for anything in return... it simply offers itself for the pleasure of others

Beauty is the chance to see something that may change you forever.

Beauty is an everlasting, sweet, sweet love.

Beauty is a pure and delicate hand over a colorless canvas

Beauty is a friendship, untouched by the scandal of the world

Beauty is a word on a page that takes your breath away

Beauty is a photograph, black and white, and in no way bleak or dreadful

Beauty is a popsicle stick on a sunny afternoon

Beauty is a much-needed rest

Beauty, for the eyes and soul alike... does wonders

Beauty offers an escape.

Beauty invites others to be vulnerable

Beauty is through and through

Beauty shows off God's handiwork... He is an artist.

For this post, I didn't allow myself to edit... I simply wrote down whatever came to my heart... whether it made sense or not! I guess you can call this an insight into my head and thoughts.

:)

Blessings to all who read.

- Jess <><

Deeper

2007-06-12T19:02:00.001-07:00

Take the plunge

Follow the One pursuing me.

Search after God's heart.

War for my heart and others'.

Discover. Explore.

Seek

Find.

Genesis

2007-04-20T17:25:00.000-07:00

To Jessica... From Jessica

"Say goodbye, say goodbye
To the you I knew before
Say hello, say hello
To a new beginning

Say goodbye, say goodbye
To the you I knew before
This is your Genesis"

- Joy Williams

This is a new day.

Character, Integrity... and a College Forum.

2007-04-19T17:52:00.000-07:00

Discussions in an online Political Science class... :)

Here is the question and my response:

If you saw, in a political candidate, what you consider a character flaw, would this impact his ability to serve?

Absolutely, personal character affects a man or woman’s ability to lead.

Character and integrity has everything to do with leadership.

No man or woman is perfect, but I hold integrity high on my list of traits I look for in a leader.

(For the sake of ease, I will continue writing these thoughts using “man” or “he” to represent either a female or male leader)

Private victories lay the foundation for public victories, and a person who is faithful in little things can be trusted with bigger things. These are established and time-honored truths.

Men of high moral character in the small things are the men I want to lead this country in the big things.

I choose to submit to the leadership over me, whether the leader is of poor character or high; however, the man who has his own life in order before coming into authority over others, has my respect and, I think, a higher level of trust.

I really enjoy these class discussions because often, I end up writing about biblical truths... :) I love it! Foundational stuff is so sweet.

I love you guys, and yes, I'm back.

I may not post consistently every week, but when I feel it, I will write... :)

Blessings,
- Jess <><

2007-04-04T19:59:00.001-07:00

I am taking a blog sabbatical.

Blessings and Love to all.

- Jess <><

Life is a Dance

2007-03-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

I feel like being a little girl and a grown-up girl at the same time.

Part of me wants desperately to run and play somewhere... tumble and feel the earth under me. I want to be like Pocahontas running through the trees then diving into clear water... moving where the wind takes me and feeling the breath taken out of me at the sight of God's glorious beauty.

On the other hand...
The sun is setting, it's quiet outside, and I have music running through my heart. I smile as I think about writing love songs and sipping a cup of tea on the porch swing, guitar in hand. Put my glasses on, snuggle under a blanket...

Life has taken me captive.

All of me just wants to fall in love with life.

Which woman am I?
I think I'm a little bit of both. Elements of so many passions reside in this heart.
I long for adventure, yet my soul stirs in the quiet places.
One place I express the facets of me is through dance.
I love to give everything... every particle of energy, every snippet of my colors, and every thread of my being in a dance for my Lover...

A song I have yet to put to music:

I love Him softly with the pretty pieces of my heart.
Lay down shades of pink and weeping for the love that overcomes me.
Taken wholly with the movement.
Grace surrounding.
Up, through,
Eyes clear,
Follow this Lion.

Mystery and revelation flood my senses.
The aroma of His vineyard makes me laugh in wonder
Who is this that makes me feel like clay under His tender hand?
He rises with the morning and fills my life with light.
Oh, touch me again... this love is overwhelming.

I laugh, I love, I dance.
Through You, my breath takes flight
My feet are free with the wind
You are my ribbon of delight

I love Him boldly with the valiant pieces of my heart.
His eyes pierce mine and we go round and round.
I dance in awe of His might.
Strength surrounding.
Abandon, Release,
He is here,
Revere this Lion.

Come under His hand and allow my heart to be inspired.
Unhindered passion comes from a well inside.
I draw from the depths and come alive.

I laugh, I love, I dance.
Through You, my breath takes flight
My feet are free with the wind
You are my ribbon of delight

Little Steps

2007-03-02T16:24:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm emerging out of a dry-ish season. Or I very soon will be.

I've been struggling with feeling alive lately. I feel like I'm not truly living out of my deepest heart of hearts.

Now, if you know Jessica, you know that I am a very passionate person. I am excited and exuberant over almost everything. I love being like that... it's so much a part of who I am. I feel alive when I love things. :)

Like so many others, I've been ruined. I've tasted love and life and now, anything less leaves me unsatisfied.

Right now, I want to feel wholly and completely engaged. I want to know who I am, and live as that woman. I want to sing because I'm happy. I want to smile like I have a secret I want to share. I want to randomly get the urge to go on a barefoot adventure. This is what being alive means to me. I want to love the men in my life and encourage them to become true men by being a woman. I want to speak to my sisters and lovingly guide them to their Creator. I want to be a blessing to my family. I want to know with my entire being that God is good, He's big, and He loves me.

I know God has me walking through this season for a purpose... there's newness coming. I've experienced some of it already. God is giving me

new dance
new music
a new voice
and a new perspective.

"Though I turn away, your mercy brings me back to you again... You draw me closer. You draw me in."

- You Draw Me Closer - Brent Helming -

Thank you Jesus for this time.

~Amen~

Destiny Calls - Written July 9th, 2005

2007-02-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

The valley floor is quiet today but for one sound

Amidst the flowing grasses, a gentle song floats on the breeze

A budding wildflower in despair raises her voice to the wisps of wind all around her...

She cries out to her Maker,

“Where have I been?

Where am I going?

It’s all such a mystery to me…”

“Young one,” the Creator whispers,

“Put your trust in me

I know the plans I have for you

Trust in me”

Petals open to reveal a flower’s beauty

She’s been waiting to blossom

Coming into what she is created for, her joy knows no bounds

Finally knowing that she belongs, that she has a purpose in this world,

She directs her stunning face towards the Son and calls out,

“You saw my tears and rescued me

You watched and caught each one

When I needed someone to be there for me

To listen to my every care… my every living breath…

You were right there waiting for me!

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU”

A tear glistens in the Author’s eye as he gazes on his beautiful creation

He shouts for the whole world to hear,

“THIS IS MY BELOVED,

my BRIDE!

SHE HAS CHOSEN ME!

SHE HAS CHOSEN TO LOVE ME…”

And for a moment, time stands still…

All creation is silenced in the unfolding of this incredible love coming forth

All at once, the gorgeous flower is engulfed in the brilliant light and glory of His presence

His amazing warmth penetrates to the deepest parts of her spirit as the Lord returns…

“I LOVE YOU TOO”

Clear Vision

2007-02-16T11:56:00.000-08:00

I feel this new level of vision for my spiritual walk.

I feel redeemed and restored.

I feel good.

It's a fresh season. I can feel spring on it's way.

WHoo.

It's like a birth of newness and fresh inspiration.

I feel so alive.

God is so good.

We're painting our house right now and I love this feeling of transition.

Wow. Ten Shekel Shirt places words to exactly how I feel right now.

MMmmm.. I feel so in love with life.

Here are the lyrics to their "Risk" song:

Life is meant to be like a kiss

Cause intimacy is bliss

To be loved and to love

Is what everything is all about.

Mmm... I can't wait to dance tonight.

I feel infused with joy.

Truth Triumphs

2007-02-02T15:40:00.000-08:00

This is the battle:

I feel I am torn between my emotions and what I deeply know to be true. My soul and spirit are clashing in a battle for my love and devotion. If I choose one, it seems the other must submit.

This is the lie:

I am at the mercy of the clock. I can never be good enough. I keep screwing up, procrastinating, not making wise choices. I am performing and scheduling and strategizing up to ying-yang, and I've had enough. I need to run outside in free air... I need to go fast or very slow and forget about life... busy, busy life. I am anxious and unsettled and wish for an escape. I have made myself vulnerable and now want to lay down somewhere and cry.

This is the truth:

I am covered by grace. He loves me no matter what. My King would lay down His very life because He deems our relationship worthy of such a sacrifice. He loves me with a fiery, passionate love, and no one can take that love. I am the Lord's. I am the delight of the King. He sees beauty in me... and desires to unveil it. He is my righteousness. He is my justice. He loves me, and He is Good.

Healing comes as I pour out these things of my heart.

This is my choice:

Every time I enter a heart-battle like this, I feel as though my center stability is hanging in the balance. Where will I fall? Who will I believe? What do I focus on? This moment of choice is imperative.

A Casting Crowns song puts my determination into words...
I will listen and believe the Voice of Truth.

This is my conclusion:

I put my trust in the One who is ever faithful. I reject the lies of the enemy and desperately ask for the Truth to set me free.

This is my proclamation:

I CHOOSE TO LISTEN AND BELIEVE THE VOICE OF TRUTH.

I am... He is.

2007-01-26T10:13:00.000-08:00

I am
my Lover's delight
my Father's JOY

I seek
the truth of my identity
His peace above all things

I desire
to walk in His holy ways
to discover the purity and beauty of childlikeness

I love
the way He moves

His every touch fascinates me.

He
awakens my heart with each revelation of His love
fills my being with light

I cannot
get enough of this mighty One
escape His desire over me

He will
continue to pursue me forever
never leave me or forsake me

I want to
pour out everything I am at His feet
impart this life to those around me

He loves to
romance the woman He created me to be
call me forth out of hiding and woo me into His everlasting purpose

God, You are
Sovereign and forEVER faithful

Your promises
are sound

Your ways
are not my ways

You have only to breathe
and I am overcome

Who is this beautiful radiant warrior?

He is my wild one... my Jehovah Elohim.

Oh, He is fierce.

Just one word spoken from His mouth and the nations will tremble.

This is the God whom I serve.

His tender character
is unfathomably kind.

His gentleness
is overwhelmingly passionate.

His healing hand
reaches for my heart, then loves it unconditionally

His grace
covers over all my failings

He is mine.

I am... He is.

The World of Words

2007-01-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

I was originally inspired to delve into the world of words by a Study Group I was part of on Sunday morning. Our leader encouraged us to study the relationship between logos [written] and rhema [spoken] words of God. Since then, every morning I've gotten a bit of revelation into the world of words.

The word originated with God.

John 1:1 - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Here, the Greek word “logos” is used, referring to the written word of God.

What comes out of our mouths is powerful.

Proverbs 18:21

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

I am learning to more carefully weigh my words. The impact of a single phrase I utter is more than I can comprehend. Life and death… that seems pretty hardcore to me. We should especially take this verse seriously in regards to the spiritual realm.

It is my belief that words impart colors that are life-giving or life-taking. A beautiful picture of this release of color through a word is painted by authors Ted Dekker and Bill Bright in their story, Blessed Child. In a scene farther into the book, the characters find themselves immersed in a supernatural experience...

"They had entered a world of impossibilities.
Light was everywhere. Yellow light, red light, green light, blue light. Oozing from their dumb smiles and streaming from their eyes.
Caleb started to giggle again. 'Say something Leiah,' he said. 'Tell me what you think of me.'
She faced him and spoke immediately. 'I love you, Caleb.'
A shaft of red light rushed from her mouth with those words. Jason's heart jumped. The thick beam was laced with wisps of smoke like at a laserlight show. It struck Caleb in his chest, cascaded over his body, and was gone.
The boy threw his head back and laughed as if tickled by some great unseen hand."

Ted Dekker and Bill Bright have crafted one of my favorite scenes in all of literature... all that I have read of literature. :) The setting is so pure and powerful. The description of God's kingdom in colors and light sets an excitement in my spirit like fire.

Reading and writing can impart life.

Throughout the story of my life, reading has always held a special place in my heart. From Dr. Seuss to C.S. Lewis, I was exposed to the good stuff growing up. *smile* I was raised to enjoy good writing… to delight in a well-woven story. Now, I marvel at the beauty of both written and spoken word. Each expression of words has so much potential to breathe life into the receiver.

God's word is mighty.

Hebrews 4:12

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

This verse encompasses the very reason I need time with the Lord and his Word every morning. He breathes life into my spirit and then because of those living and active words...

Shift Happens

This icon beautifully, poetically, and accurately represents the way I feel when I read God's logos, listen to his rhema, and journal my own words along with His.

The progression of my heart goes something like this:

True Repentance

Desire Passionate

Choice to live by Spirit

Connection Divine

... sequence inspired by the world of words.

Creativity

2006-03-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

To create is to bring something into existence that was merely a thought before.
To create is to express love until something beautiful is birthed.
To create is to devote ones self wholly and completely.
To create is to unveil a place in the spirit that was previously hidden.

To create is to live.

God has placed in each of us the desire for beauty. Beauty awakens our hearts. Have you ever been so captivated by something that you just want to run, jump, sing, and dance, while at the same time there is a reverential awe?? He gives us the capacity to love, and outflowing of that love, to create. He is the source. I wish to draw from the Lord's well... drink deep and be satisfied. I would so love to gather my entire being and fling it giddily into every task I find myself in... but maybe... just maybe, He wants me to sit at His feet... I just might find the joy I'm searching for.

To truly desire Him... to desire His plan and purpose for my life.. to enter into such a covenant with the Maker... the original Creator... to allow His breath to sustain my very life... truly, this must be ecstasy.

He factors in our stupidity!

2006-03-12T18:04:00.000-08:00

I received this in an e-mail a while ago and recently dug it up... enjoy!

The next time you feel like God can’t use you, just remember…

Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair, and was a womanizer!
Rahab was a prostitute!
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
John the Baptist ate bugs
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced… more than once!
Zaccheus was too small
Timothy had an ulcer… and
Lazarus was DEAD!!!
… no more excuses now
God’s waiting to use your full potential.
God doesn’t call the qualified… He qualifies the called.

He is not limited by our humanness... Doug Addison likes to say that God factors in our stupidity! It is incredible to think that it is when we are weak that He is made perfect in us. He is made strong through our weaknesses. Because there is no way we could have done it in our own strength, God gets the glory...

2 Corinthians 12:9 - "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I feel so unworthy at times. Why would He choose me to do His work? There are times when I feel inadequate, incompetent, and ridiculous... those are also the times when He seems to use me the most efficiently. When I lay myself down and trust that He has things under control, that is where I feel the most at peace.

"Peace is the potting soil for revelation." - John Paul Jackson

I believe that with all my heart... when my spirit is at peace and my will is lined up with His, the gateway of oppurtunity is opened for Him to speak to me and through me.

So here I am God... I lay my cares and burdens at the foot of the cross.. I give my trust and my heart to you..

- <><

His Promise of Renewal

2006-03-07T11:01:00.000-08:00

Morning Dogwood

Painted by Thomas Kinkade

"The hopeful blossoming of spring's first bloom, the joyful potential of a garden gate, and the comforting possibilities of a graceful bridge, all remind us of God's promise of renewal."

I am finding this inexplicable yearning for spring beginning to birth in my spirit. I am finished with winter... this desire for beauty is strong. There is a point, I think, in every season of the year, where we long for the next part in the story... ahh.. the mystery of God’s ways.

Song of Songs 2:10-13 ~ My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."

My eyes have just beheld their first butterfly of the season. Oh how it makes me long for spring. The color of the butterfly's wings was a soft yellow... HOPE. Spring is hope.

I choose to judge Him faithful... He who has promised. I will hold onto His promise of renewal.

- <>< Written March 3, 2006

2006-03-02T14:23:00.000-08:00

Blissfully Charming

2006-03-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

Perfectly Delightful

2006-03-02T12:16:00.000-08:00

Simply Stunning

The following photographs are my humble attempts at capturing my Father's glorious creation... think of them as love stories to your heart... from Him.

"I will forever remind you of my extravagant love for your spirit by expressing my Spirit through my awesome creation."