I find myself wanting so much to have a hand to hold, a heart to share, a companion to walk through life with... I want someone to care deeply about me.. to want to know about me. Someone who loves me.
I think that's what EVERYONE is really searching for...
and I think that's what God is really searching for too.
Who will come to my intimate chambers? Who will return the love I have shown? Who will pursue me?
I feel like sometimes I get so close to truly loving.. then I freak out and things get weird.. It's like I won't let myself truly get close and love in freedom. Fear takes hold and I can't shake it.
It used to be easy.. when I was a child, I thought like a child. It was easy to trust... I didn't have a care in the world. But then I grew and adopted fears of my parents, of the world, of my own.
And Jesus came to free me from my fears. He wants to get so close to me. and I am so lazy and afraid.
I am so not good enough for him and yet he still pursues me. I do not understand why.
But I am grateful.
And I am learning to open up to him more... It's a sacrifice. A surrender.
Okay, God, here I am. I want to trust you. So bad. I remember what it used to be like.. so in love. I will follow you back to that place.
Love you Jesus,
Jessica
3 comments:
you are so worthy of all the love in the world...
i totally wrote this same post a few days ago! ha!
XOXO
jojo
You are beautiful. And lovely. And worthy to be loved and cherished. When the time is right, the fear will fade away. You'll let yourself fall. Let yourself feel. Love in freedom.
You can.
You will.
Trust me.
Trust HIM!!
Hmm, yeah I'm so there with the whole idea of "returning to carefree love" of Daddy. I'm actually on the doorstep of stepping back into it...but like you wrote - a wee bit lazy.
Maybe I should just man up and walk through the door...
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