C is for Commitment

For a long time, I think I've been operating selfishly when it comes to commitment and service.



When someone invites me to do something or serve in some way, I tell them that I will think about it, pray about it, and get back to them. Then the follow-through is my weak point.

I DO think/pray about it. Often! Yet, I have trouble committing myself to say yes or no.

This applies also to projects. I often begin a really sweet project and have every intention of finishing it, but then I don't. I move on to the next thing.

I don't think God wants me to walk like that!

=)

I'm trying to figure out why I operate like this... maybe those of you who know me will have an idea... I think it's funny that when you find something like this in yourself, often you can't see exactly why, but FOR SOME REASON, everyone else knows... :)



I think my lack of commitment is rooted in fear. Afraid to put myself in a position that I can't get out of... hmm. Or afraid that I end up doing the "wrong" thing. Or afraid that I'm not following God's will. Maybe I’m afraid of being confined to a box – unable to move about in freedom.

For example. If my friend invites me to do something on Thursday night, I don't want to for SURE say yes because, what if when it comes to that time, I don't feel like doing it? mm... it's all about moment-by-moment with me... i think that's unhealthy. It doesn't provide any consistency for my friends and other relationships. I need to be able to let my Yes be Yes and my No be No.

Otherwise, I'm just dragging people along for the ride. They are utterly and completely at my whim. If I show up, that's awesome, but they can't always DEPEND on that. Wow. It's hard to see that about myself.

I'm sure it is a lot deeper than just these thoughts. I will delve deep personally with God to ask him where the root is... He is the one who can truly transform me.

I do believe that God wants me to finish what I've started and not be afraid to walk through doors that He has obviously opened for me.




NO FEAR JESSICA!


God is not a primarily logical God, but it helps our human minds to wrap around something, so logically, I've boiled it down to this when it comes to decisions:

1. Discern what is the Holy Spirit and what is my flesh then listen to the Spirit
2. Trust the Lord that what He tells me is true
3. Walk in obedience and godly commitment

With His grace - only by His grace - I will learn this lesson. =)

Lord, I submit myself to your process.

Walking with the Lord for a little while has told me that now, HERE comes the testing time... :D
- Jess <><