Yearning for Love

I find myself wanting so much to have a hand to hold, a heart to share, a companion to walk through life with... I want someone to care deeply about me.. to want to know about me. Someone who loves me.

I think that's what EVERYONE is really searching for...

and I think that's what God is really searching for too.

Who will come to my intimate chambers? Who will return the love I have shown? Who will pursue me?

I feel like sometimes I get so close to truly loving.. then I freak out and things get weird.. It's like I won't let myself truly get close and love in freedom. Fear takes hold and I can't shake it.

It used to be easy.. when I was a child, I thought like a child. It was easy to trust... I didn't have a care in the world. But then I grew and adopted fears of my parents, of the world, of my own.

And Jesus came to free me from my fears. He wants to get so close to me. and I am so lazy and afraid.

I am so not good enough for him and yet he still pursues me. I do not understand why.

But I am grateful.

And I am learning to open up to him more... It's a sacrifice. A surrender.

Okay, God, here I am. I want to trust you. So bad. I remember what it used to be like.. so in love. I will follow you back to that place.

Love you Jesus,
Jessica

Like Sunlight Burning at Midnight..

I feel like I am experiencing a "dark night of the soul." I can still go through the motions of faith, but my heart is so broken on the inside..

I am aware that I am in this season, and i know it is ultimately good, and I will come out of it in strength.. yet, that doesn't make it suck any less.

I've been writing songs that are "half-songs.." I have the sad part written, the broken part, and know there is a redemptive part too that will come as I come into redemption myself.


The following song is where I want to get to...

Beautiful, Beautiful
By Francesca Batistelli

Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

(Chorus)

I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace




Father, I trust you. The part that is still hanging on by a thread says, I trust you Father.. You've brought me this far. I trust you...

- Jessica

Metamorphosis - Part I

Expectantly, with a buzzing anticipation in her bones, she touched her face to the glass. Waiting, watching. It was as if her life was being transformed from the inside out and she, by golly, had a front row seat. She watched as her rotating, true body hung lifeless. Suspended in the middle of a darkened room. Simple and circular. “Where is the life?” She wondered.


All at once, the head on top, in the center of the room, twitched a little. As if in shock, Jessica touched her own head to feel it vibrating softly. Inside the room, crystal, light-filled, green eyes snapped open and looked about. Jessica felt her whole body begin to collapse as this other part of her came gently alive. The Spirit-woman – beautiful, righteous, and true.


“Come out, come out!” The voices of many little children rang in Jessica’s ears. She closed her eyes and faded from this world to the next.


All fear was definitely gone and Autumn was acutely aware of the body she left behind.

“Don’t worry about the former things. The old has passed. The new has come.”

A lion’s voice.

“Come forward into the place I have called you. My beloved, believe and see.”

Purity

Purity of thought, purity of deed
Lord of my heart, won’t you please rescue me?
From this world of hate and lingering pressure to be
Not as I wish, but as I am not.

I think there is only One.
Yes, there is only ONE who can
HEAL me and rake me clean
Oh, less and less dirty substance.

Feel me?

Throw me

A question, and answer SET

I wish to be known.

Hey Y'all!

I am doing so well! Friends are good, life is good, weather is GORGE.


I got a 41/50 on my math midterm.. not as well as a I would have hoped, but an honorable score.. :)


I’m working on 16.3 right now in the library. I just talked to my “Study Session” leader about becoming a study session leader for next quarter and it seems like that is going to be a great option for a job for me.. flexible hours, teaching experience, math... I think it will be great!


So when I first got here, on one of the first weekends, there was an evening “Java Jam” on Santa Lucia’s back lawn. There were people performing and I wanted to join in, so I grabbed my guitar and signed up for one of the slots. I asked that God would change the atmosphere through me and that people would see the light in me.


Recently, I received an e-mail asking me to play for another open mic event for the halls this weekend! I replied that I would love to, and so, I will be doing that on Friday evening! Please pray that it would not be about me, but that the people listening would be radically touched by God. mm. amen.


I miss you guys so much and CANNOT WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS!!! WHOO HOOOO! It’s only like 8 weeks away until I’ll be home! I should start a countdown.


OooooohH!!!!


7 weeks and 1 day


!!


LOOOVE,

-Jess <><