Yearning for Love

I find myself wanting so much to have a hand to hold, a heart to share, a companion to walk through life with... I want someone to care deeply about me.. to want to know about me. Someone who loves me.

I think that's what EVERYONE is really searching for...

and I think that's what God is really searching for too.

Who will come to my intimate chambers? Who will return the love I have shown? Who will pursue me?

I feel like sometimes I get so close to truly loving.. then I freak out and things get weird.. It's like I won't let myself truly get close and love in freedom. Fear takes hold and I can't shake it.

It used to be easy.. when I was a child, I thought like a child. It was easy to trust... I didn't have a care in the world. But then I grew and adopted fears of my parents, of the world, of my own.

And Jesus came to free me from my fears. He wants to get so close to me. and I am so lazy and afraid.

I am so not good enough for him and yet he still pursues me. I do not understand why.

But I am grateful.

And I am learning to open up to him more... It's a sacrifice. A surrender.

Okay, God, here I am. I want to trust you. So bad. I remember what it used to be like.. so in love. I will follow you back to that place.

Love you Jesus,
Jessica

Character Counts

I wrote this essay for a scholarship opportunity through the Grand Canyon State Games. Just thought I would share it.

It was really hard to not write about God, but I think the truth of these statements are as much a testimony to His character as actually mentioning His name would be. :)

Chevrolet and Character – Like a Rock

"Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike."
— Theodore Roosevelt


In the same way that a building cannot stand without a proper foundation, so a person cannot stand without a foundation of good character. Integrity, honesty, and trustworthiness are just a few of the many values that demonstrate good character. These qualities are crucial to building strong relationships, enhancing a person’s inherent gifting, and exuding a personality that encourages others.

Building a relationship is like building a house. The foundation is the most vital step. The following is an account regarding two men who built new houses: one built his on a foundation of sand, the other on rock. When the storm raged and the rain came down, the house of sand crumbled, but the house built on the rock stood firm. A peaceful relationship is based on elements of good character – integrity, honesty, and trustworthiness - so that when conflicts arise, the establishment stands unshaken.

As humans, we are constantly faced with decisions that demand a response. Our character provides a basis for us to act upon. For example, as a boy is running in the park, the woman listening to her headphones in front of him unknowingly drops a twenty-dollar bill from her pocket. In this moment, the young man has a choice to make. Will he operate out of deception and greed and keep the bill, or will he choose to employ honesty and trustworthiness as the agents of his action? In this way, our core values directly influence and guide our behavior. Just as an apple tree cannot produce oranges, a person’s “fruit” is telling of the inner character of that person. Every moment, we have the opportunity to determine what kind of fruit will accompany our name.

A person’s “gifting” is what he or she uniquely has to offer the world. This gifting can be powerful, but without character, it can be dangerous. Many a leader has fallen to deception, dishonesty, or selfish ambition as a result of the intoxication of power. Like a kite tethered by a string, so a man’s gifting must be held taut by the qualities of good character within that man. Only then can he fly with strength and honor.

As ambassadors for the world, we must be grounded in truth and right character. We must make a habit of doing right things right in every area of our lives: in the workplace, in our interpersonal relationships, and in our own personal lives. This world needs a people who will walk with integrity in relationships and in their gifting through every moment of choice. Like a foundation, like a kite-string, like a rock – character provides the roots necessary for this sort of life to thrive.

---

Input and Output

Through this time of fasting and praying, I've been recognizing this mandate to only put into my eyes, mouth, spirit, mind what is pure and good. What I put into my system is crucial. It's like worshiping the Father.

We honor him by not only what comes out of our person but what goes into it.

I sincerely believe that our bodies, souls, spirits are intrinsically linked - that every single thing we put in through our physical senses, emotional senses, and spiritual senses have a profound effect on the other parts too.

I have a friend who, when she enters into a dark spiritual atmosphere, her stomach hurts and she feels sick. Now, how could this transfer - from spiritual reality to physical reality - take place if the mind, body, and spirit were not wholly connected with the others?

---

Jesus commands us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." - Mark 12:30

---

I'm realizing that we, as Christians, are an example for those around us. I've been convicted lately of what other people see in me. I want them them to see the beauty in me... the God in me. As a Jesus-representative, I want to eliminate those things in me that cloud over people's perception of who Christ is. I want to be a clear reflection of His Majesty and Love. He's so good, and so big, and I don't want to get in the way. I want to cooperate with Heaven. In all things.

---

1 Thessalonians 5:23
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

---

I love you Daddy, and I choose to honor you by only putting into my system things that will bless you and then allow me to function as your extension on the earth.

Thanks God for the revelation,
- Jess <><

Awaken.

"Just let my heart be alive -Let me be living deep, deep on the inside."

These are the words to a Misty Edwards song that perfectly encompasses this breakthrough I've been feeling needs to happen in my heart. I feel like I've been taking and selfish, but I want to give of my whole heart - selflessly. For me to be in a place where I can give, I need to be able to offer something.

I feel like I have nothing...

That's where Jesus comes in. :)

His love has set me free...

Now, what will I do with that freedom!

I will offer vulnerability, truth, and love – through Christ who strengthens me.

Wow.

I just picked up The Sacred Romance this morning.

The very first quote reads,

“Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been wakened by the touch of god within them.” – A.W. Tozer

I feel this desperate longing to break out of my mundane dragging. These past few days have been characterized by shades of gray, but my deepest desire is to live with PASSION. Fire in my bones - for His Spirit kindles my heart.

When you enter into the presence of God, fears are displaced, humility enters your heart and you begin to walk - TRULY FREE.

I long to be operating in His grand adventure that is both inside and outside. That intrinsic knowing that I was created for this moment – this very breath. The constant journey of finding more of who He is and who I am created to be. The outer adventure of advancing His kingdom, following his heart, pursuing mystery.

mm.

Delve. Deep. Discover.

---

When I was with Hannah the other day, we drove through Starbucks for Venti Passion fruit Lemonades with Strawberries. (Hilarious.)

Now, everybody knows, when you roll up, the “Starbucks voice” offers you something special that you politely decline and then continue with your order. Well - we rolled up to the speaker and, Hannah’s windows being manual, we missed the voice’s greeting. Hannah looked at me, smiled, and then said loudly, “No thanks.” We both about died from laughter.

So here we are laughing our butts off while this gal is waiting for us to order. We squeezed out what we wanted, then pulled up to the window. Hannah was really friendly with this girl, asked her how her day was going, and then engaged her and another guy working there by saying, “You wanna hear what was so funny?” She proceeded to tell them our funny window story and they laughed too!

---

Hannah opened herself and allowed other people into our amusement. She explained that she has been really inspired by her brother and the way he engages people… even people he doesn’t know. Both parties are so enriched by an experience like that! So many times, I’m stuck in “Me” mode, and I don’t take the time or energy to be vulnerable with people. Often, it’s much easier to mask your true heart than to open up and be real. Engage the waitress at Dennys, ask the people at the bank what’s new in their life, or just go up to random people, meet them, and bless them!

As “boat races” and “fair” season approaches, I’m remembering the openness with which I operated in. It’s so humble, and so inviting. Let’s do it like Jesus did and welcome people in. Just love on them.

Man, I’ve got so much to write about regarding this subject. I think I’ll do a part two soon. Look for my next post.

Sneak Peek: Authentic worship and where our hearts come into play. Prophetic words and ministry... hmm. We’ll see what God does.

:)

Awaken.

- Jess <><

The World of Words

I was originally inspired to delve into the world of words by a Study Group I was part of on Sunday morning. Our leader encouraged us to study the relationship between logos [written] and rhema [spoken] words of God. Since then, every morning I've gotten a bit of revelation into the world of words.

---

The word originated with God.

John 1:1 - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Here, the Greek word “logos” is used, referring to the written word of God.

---

What comes out of our mouths is powerful.

Proverbs 18:21

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

I am learning to more carefully weigh my words. The impact of a single phrase I utter is more than I can comprehend. Life and death… that seems pretty hardcore to me. We should especially take this verse seriously in regards to the spiritual realm.

It is my belief that words impart colors that are life-giving or life-taking. A beautiful picture of this release of color through a word is painted by authors Ted Dekker and Bill Bright in their story, Blessed Child. In a scene farther into the book, the characters find themselves immersed in a supernatural experience...

"They had entered a world of impossibilities.
Light was everywhere. Yellow light, red light, green light, blue light. Oozing from their dumb smiles and streaming from their eyes.
Caleb started to giggle again. 'Say something Leiah,' he said. 'Tell me what you think of me.'
She faced him and spoke immediately. 'I love you, Caleb.'
A shaft of red light rushed from her mouth with those words. Jason's heart jumped. The thick beam was laced with wisps of smoke like at a laserlight show. It struck Caleb in his chest, cascaded over his body, and was gone.
The boy threw his head back and laughed as if tickled by some great unseen hand."





Ted Dekker and Bill Bright have crafted one of my favorite scenes in all of literature... all that I have read of literature. :) The setting is so pure and powerful. The description of God's kingdom in colors and light sets an excitement in my spirit like fire.

---

Reading and writing can impart life.

Throughout the story of my life, reading has always held a special place in my heart. From Dr. Seuss to C.S. Lewis, I was exposed to the good stuff growing up. *smile* I was raised to enjoy good writing… to delight in a well-woven story. Now, I marvel at the beauty of both written and spoken word. Each expression of words has so much potential to breathe life into the receiver.

---

God's word is mighty.

Hebrews 4:12

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

This verse encompasses the very reason I need time with the Lord and his Word every morning. He breathes life into my spirit and then because of those living and active words...

Shift Happens

:)

This icon beautifully, poetically, and accurately represents the way I feel when I read God's logos, listen to his rhema, and journal my own words along with His.

The progression of my heart goes something like this:

True Repentance

Desire Passionate

Choice to live by Spirit

Connection Divine

... sequence inspired by the world of words.